Today’s post is from a guest. His name is Allan MacLeod. He’s a graduate of Columbia University and one of my former Marines. His post below is in regards to the recent deaths of three US Marines in Afghanistan, one of them in particular, whom he served with. His writing is exceptional and the lives and service of these young Marines who gave their lives for their country deserve to have this message published. Here is what Allan had to say:

It’s been a while since I got out of the Marine Corps, and I don’t want to rest on my laurels, so I don’t actively try and hold on to memories and things from my time in the Corps. It’s a way of moving on. I heard a saying from my Uncle Dave that they use in PTSD counseling, that ‘who you are is not what you did.’ I am pretty sure that saying was mostly intended for people who have killed, particularly when the circumstances are morally iffy, but I think it also applies well when it’s time to move on from a phase in life. It’s important and honorable to remember and reflect upon what one has done, but continued growth as a person requires making room for new endeavors. For me, that meant focusing on my studies at Columbia, and more recently it has meant focusing on my marriage.

However, it is never possible or desirable to erase the past. Those memories and feelings are still there, even if they’re under a few layers of experiential sediment. Last night when I went to sleep, I was thinking about the book I am reading now, a Turkish book. I am improving my vocabulary right now with the intent of eventually translating Turkish literature into English. I was thinking about a few other projects I have in the planning stages and how I’m going to go about realizing them. I slept normally, and woke up normally this morning. I turned off my alarm and saw a message from one of my Marine buddies. SSgt Stewart has been killed by an IED. It’s the damndest thing. I was driving this past Saturday and got the strongest urge to talk to him. I wondered what he had been up to. I don’t usually get the urge to talk to any particular person from my past. I’m not much for hocus pocus, but I feel like he was making his rounds, saying goodbye to everybody. He had impeccable manners, and was a consummate gentleman. I would expect nothing less.

SSgt Stewart was a Marine of the first order. His first name was David, but even in my mind I think of him by his rank. He’s one of two Marines I ever saw reading from the Commandant’s Reading List for pleasure, the other being my Lieutenant, Dave Bradt. I actually saw him studying Marine Corps Institute books, too. SSgt Stewart was driven by and loved the Corps, but he wasn’t grating or artificial. There was no saccharine ‘oorah’ horseshit from him, and those of us who were full of ‘hate and discontent’ knew not to complain too much in his presence. What the hell is wrong with you, he would say. This is the greatest job in the world. Okay, you have to wait for a couple hours at the armory at 2 AM, but so what? It wasn’t the pissy recrimination you hear sometimes, where somebody is just as irritated as you but just doesn’t want to hear anything. He would tell us to stop griping because he was full of genuine, 24 karat motivation. I can make a short list Marines I’ve met like this. SSgt Moreno, SgtMaj Smythe, and then-First Sergeant Rodriguez being others who come to mind. Losing a Marine like him is terrible, as any Marine who knew him will say.

I talked with SSgt Stewart a few times about his motivations during our deployment together. Whenever I met Marines with a lot of intelligence doing combat arms jobs, I would get curious about their stories. Those who could ‘do something smart’ but choose to go into harm’s way usually have interesting stories, like the grunt I met in Habbaniyah who had been caught in high school manufacturing plastic explosives to kill gophers on his farm. Doing combat arms in the Marines was sort of his way of ‘making amends’ to society so that he could move beyond that felony charge later on. I myself come from a heavily military family, and I figured if you’re going to go to war, you might as well not stay behind the wire. SSgt Stewart was a similar case. He would have excelled in college, and I could picture him doing amazing things in sales or in any other number of corporate functions, but he was totally dedicated to being a Marine.

I have been holding back tears all day, and I probably won’t get much work finished today. I didn’t realize how much this kind of loss could affect me. Emotions for ‘tough guys’ are often strange, distant things. SSgt Stewart was, to me, an exemplar of bearing and the way a man should carry himself. No doubt he had his flaws, but I would have followed him up any mountain or into any building on earth or in hell. He had that aura of leadership you read about in books and see in movies, but can’t fully believe until you see it. I am enormously privileged to have known this man, as I am sure the others who knew him feel the same. I send my condolences to his family and wish them the strength to continue on.

Semper Fidelis, SSgt Stewart, I am better for having known you, and may you rest in peace.

-Allan MacLeod